Saturday, March 10, 2007

time travel

after months of scientific research, here is the easy way to travel through time without the hassle of traveling through a black hole or harnessing an entire neutron star. the technology behind this is easy to use and readily available. in fact, with the exception of a few as of yet undiscovered materials, the rest of the equipment can be found in your very home unless of course you are living in the mountains. first let us look at the fundamental concepts behind this theory. first of all, we all know that time is considered to be an additional dimension in some big shot scientists' model of the universe (which includes ten dimensions in all if you didn't already know). know we shall be using that model for our time travel. take a look at the picture below. it is depicts a critical concept that is the foundation for this entire theory.
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yes. it shows a person watching television. we have all experienced the phenomenon which i will term as "time flux". essentially, when we watch a really good television show or movie we feel that time has passed quicker than usual and when we watch something extremely boring, we feel that time proceeds very very slowly. while many have passed this off as a trick played by our mind as a result of enjoying whatever we are doing too much. however, contrary to popular belief, this is in fact a very real physical occurrence.
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the picture above depicts the time flux in action. (obtained from samples in my own home as i was unable to recruit willing test subjects even though all they had to do was watch television) the dip in the patterns indicate the dimension of time warping around the very vicinity of the viewer and the television. why this occurs is unknown but it is possible to hypothesize that the excessive photons thrown out by the television screen and the density of both the television set as well as the emotions of the viewer which may include extreme boredom or sheer excitement as both extremes of the scale. factoring in these variables as well as constants such as the mass of the sofa (which affects the time flux at a negligible amounts) and the gender of the viewer and the colour of the room. from all this, the equation (simplified in order to ensure that the minds of readers do not collapse under the sheer ingenuity of the equation) derives is

y=kx^2 + ax + C

by factoring the correct variables we can create a situation whereby the time flux is so great that time moves at an accelerated rate. the graph below shows the variability of the time flux with the minimum point which is a very small quantity which approaches zero but never reaches zero since when time proceeds at a rate of zero, the very fabric of space and time will unravel resulting in the utter destruction of the universe as we know it with all matter ending up as a soup of matter and non matter. an alternative result would be that we'd just all be frozen and unable to move or think.
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in order to create the time flux, a small enclosed room (in order to concentrate the effects of the time flux) with a simple television, a player and the required sound systems with a universal remote which you must posses (the importance of this will be discussed later), an extremely dull person who has hardly done anything with his life other than eat and sleep, a very very very good and exciting hollywood movie of infinite length as well as a very very very boring and pathetic movie (which will bore even the dullest of persons) of similar length is all you need.
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the resultant time flux created will be so great that all you have to do is step into the room and you will be propelled into the future. using the remote control you posses, you can stop the movie when you have reached your destination in time. if you do not stop the movie and let the time flux restore before leaving the room, you may find yourself trapped between dimensions never to return.
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as such, ALWAYS remember the remote. to travel back in time, simply play the boring movie and stop the movie before leaving the room.
however, we must note that you should not watch the movie as well otherwise, you will not be able to take advantage of the time flux. why this happens remains unknown.

known problems include not being able to determine at what point in time you are. as such, using only the graph and a calculator to guide you, determine the rate of time passage and with just a simple calculations, you can come up with a rough estimate.
another known problem is the fact that when you arrive at your chosen time, the entire room arrives as well and may cause material damage if the surroundings has changed. this may not be a major problem however but it may just result in a few people very angry at the fact that a room just appeared out of nowhere.

in my studies, i have identified a few alternative sources that create a similar time flux.
1) Lecture scenario. it is a common fact that during mathematics lectures time passes painfully slowly, while during lectures whereby a video or movie is shown, or a lecture where there is no lecturer at all, time accelerates. due to the large number of students present in the lecture theatre, the resulting time flux is very powerful leading to efficient time travel. however, the large size of a lecture theatre partially negates the effect. furthermore, to create such a time machine would require more costs since much more people would have to be enslaved to power the time machine. the content for the lecture would be very easy to obtain considering there are hundreds of volumes of mathematics just waiting to be read.
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2) Computer Gaming. It is also a known fact that time accelerates when playing computer games, especially good ones. this alternative is much easier than the lecture scenario in the sense that only one hardcore gaming freak (easily found in the modern world especially in China where there is in an significant increase in computer gaming addiction). enslaving such a hardcore gamer would be simple as all you have to do is show him an empty room with a state of the art computer. the time flux generated would be immense considering the amount of enjoyment the gamer derives from it. however, there are a few limitations as well. gamers would be required to constantly play games in order to power the time machine and this may drastically reduce the lifespan of the gamer and you have to acquire a new one if you travel through time often. another known issue would be the difficulty in traveling back in time considering that such hardcore gamers would find even the most boring of games to be fun since they consider any game to be highly entertaining. as for a game that can be played for an infinite time, simply subscribe to any mmorpg available today. a good choice would be world of warcraft although you have to pay $50 for two months. but considering the amount of knowledge waiting to be obtained, such a small cost would appear to be minute.
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Conclusion
there you have it. time travel made possible at our current state of technology. however, please keep in mind, that there are many other methods for creating a time flux and those mentioned here are just a few examples. for your own sakes, do not engage in time travel for dishonourable ends. i hose to post this scientific paper as i feel that this knowledge must be shared for the betterment of humanity. time travel is a sticky business and as such, use it only for the purpose of gaining knowledge and understanding the past and future. to abuse it would result in alot of bad things happening which i will not take any responsibility for. stay tuned for my next scientific paper on space travel

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